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Archive for May, 2007

Got a lot done today.  Don’t know if any of it was noticed. Don’t care.  Tired…..

Although he did just get me a glass of wine.

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I’m So Pissed

And part of it comes from my guilt….

DH and I just had a huge fight and I left to go for a drive to get some of my emotions under control.  In a nutshell, I’m not doing enough around here.  He finally asked me what it is I do all day because all he sees is me watching tv or playing on my computer.

He just got done working on our roof.  He’s been at it all day without a break.  I sat inside all day and watched CSI, except when I went to Target to pick up diapers, wipes, and toilet paper and stopped by my mom’s because she was going through baby withdrawal. 

To be fair, he does get up 90% of the time during the night and changes Justin’s diapers and burps him after I nurse or in between nursings as it sometimes happens.

It’s been almost four weeks since I gave birth and my body is still very sore.  It hurts to stand for more than a couple of minutes and it hurts to sit in the same position for too long.  I’ve talked to family members and to the midwives and this is normal.  Even though I’ve never had this slow of a recovery time, this is perfectly normal.

Everyone tells me to focus on nursing and relaxing.  Don’t worry about the house or anything else.

That’s not an option for me.  DH wants the house on the market in a week and a half.  The house is a disaster from the renovations and the baby showers.  There is crap everywhere that needs to be sorted and put away or stored.  I try to spend 15 minutes on it every day, but what little I get done gets messed up by the end of the night when DH puts stuff in the nearest open space.  This timeline he’s set is unrealistic but he’s set that we either meet this deadline or we have to refinance this house and be here for another year or two. 

And since I haven’t been doing anything to help out, I need to step it up now. 

I’m going to try to get online at least once every day, but I may not be commenting or saying much for the next few days.

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Yesterday was very trying.  We had a picnic/barbecue in honor of my dad’s 60th birthday.  All my siblings and their kids came down as well as my step-sister and her boyfriend.  My sister requested that I make a specific potato salad.  I also made some strawberry ice cream. 

I did not get my father a gift or a card.  He has said for years that he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, so I haven’t done anything in years.  Background:  His grandfather missed his mother’s birthdays because he was down at the local bar getting drunk so my grandmother threw huge birthday parties for her sons.  My father found these events very embarrassing.  He prefers that we call him and wish him a happy birthday which I did on his actual birthday.

Everyone else got him a gift.  The potato salad was hardly touched (and it turned out the way it was supposed to).  So we have a lot leftover and I don’t like it to begin with.  No one wanted any ice cream as they were too full from the brats, hamburgers and dirt cake.  So we have lots of that too.

And my kid was screaming almost the entire time.  Unless anyone but me was holding him.  Then he’d calm down.

By  the time we got home, 5 hours later, I felt like the biggest loser.

However, once we were home Justin fell asleep.  He would wake up and check to see where I was.  If I wasn’t next to him or holding him, he’d cry until I picked him up and then he’d go right back to sleep.  Maybe he does like me.

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DH stayed home today to work on the house because we want to get it on the market asap.  I’ve been nursing and entertaining Justin.  He really hasn’t slept much today, but that may be because he slept all day yesterday.  Babies have weird schedules.

We watched Revenge of the Nerds last night.  It’s one of the few films in its genre that I actually like.  Genre seems like such a fancy word to have in the same sentence as Revenge of the Nerds.  I think I may pop in the first disc from the first season of Battlestar Galactica.  I tried to watch the first episode this last season and was lost within five minutes.  I’ve heard good things about it, so I decided to start at the beginning.

No huge plans this weekend.   We’re celebrating my dad’s birthday  on  Sunday at the park.  I’m supposed to bring a salad.  My sister has requested that I attempt to make her favorite potato salad.  It comes from a local grocery store and a couple of years ago, DH got the recipe for her.  Unfortunately, the recipe makes enough to feed about 50 people, so I had my cooking software scale it down for her.  She attempted it and said that it came out runny/watery.  I think I have the scaled down recipe on my other computer so maybe I’ll give it a shot.  It would be so much easier to just buy it….

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Justin has been sleeping most of the day so I expect to be up all night.  Of course, I didn’t take advantage of this and nap.  Actually, I can’t really tell you what I did while he slept.  I know I did the dishes and took a bath, and I fell asleep once, but I honestly can’t account for the rest of the time. 

We met with a realtor tonight and our house will be on the market soon.  DH needs to put the ceiling up in the kitchen and we need to do a massive de-clutter/pack up extraneous crap, but that’s all that really  must be done.  Sure, we could get more if we did more, but I want out of here.  DH wants out of here.  We’re getting out of here. 

That’s really all I have today.  When your life revolves around naps and nursing, there just doesn’t seem to be much to write about.

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We’re still here, alive and well.  I can’t believe how fast the day goes.  I spend most of it on the couch either nursing or waiting for him to drop off to sleep.  I also change a lot of diapers.  It’s funny though how I’ll look up and see that 4 hours have gone by in a flash.

We must be going through a growth spurt.  He nursed for 45 minutes at 3 am, 40 at 5, and then at 10:30 he went another 40, gave me a 20 minute break and then went for another 30.  I’m a bit drained right now–literally.

And now he’s awake again so I must go see what is causing his discomfort…..

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One year ago, at this moment, I was getting frustrated with a certain photographer who was arguing with me about clearing out of the church.

My SIL was at home after a trip to the ER for bleeding–she was pregnant with Gavin at the time.  My brother wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make it to town, which I completely understood.

We were about to discover that the unity candle that had been ordered hadn’t appeared and someone was going to have to run to Wal-Mart and get one.  Why it had to be the two people who were not familiar at all with our town and the location of the WalMart is still a mystery.

And I was about to completely lose it over a chicken taco.

Yep, one year ago I got married.

It’s been a good year.  There have been many, many more ups than downs.  I haven’t once regretted it. 

To celebrate our anniversary, we are going out for dinner.  My mother is going to watch Justin, but since we’re still nursing we can’t be gone long..  After that, we’ll pick him up and come home to watch a movie and open a bottle of wine we were given for our wedding.  I think I may even pull out that silly unity candle and light it.

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